Tea Stains and Daisy Chains: student

Found on Instagram: Absolutely Bear

12:22

Work hard, play (sport) hard

21:40

I would have entitled this post 'Work hard, play (sport) hard, and blog hard', but that (as well as being slightly less catchy) would involve me having (even vaguely) successfully done so... Sadly, during my first year at uni, I haven't written a single blog post. I suppose I could have made myself write some, maybe late at night instead of going out drinking, but I don't think blogging should ever be forced- if you want to write, then write. If not, don't stress.

But anyway, here I am a year later, blogging again! Let's hope I haven't completely lost it...

Seeing as it's the Olympics at the moment (woo!), I thought I'd share some tips I've learnt this year about how to be involved in a competitive sport at uni and also keep on top of your degree at the same time, preferably without having a complete breakdown. I am, of course, no expert. I'm not at the top of my class, nor at the top of my sport, but then I guess that's pretty much the norm. (If you're a 16 year-old currently competing in Rio, I'd suggest you stop reading now- I think you've got this).

This was actually probably the hardest thing about starting university for me- I wanted my course to go well and to get good essay marks (I know first year doesn't count blah blah) but I also wanted to get really into rowing and train as hard as I could. Now don't get me wrong, there are so many other sports that don't require anywhere near as much commitment as rowing, but me being me, of course I chose the one that involves early mornings and two sessions a day (I'd definitely recommend it, by the way). So here are some tips (from someone who definitely never gets stressed and definitely never eats chicken nuggets in bed as a way of coping, and has certainly never cycled alone to a field with a bottle of wine...)

Get involved straight away. It may seem like too much to take on a new sport when you arrive at uni for the year and are being bombarded with reading lists and deadlines, but do it anyway. If you don't sign up and go along to meetings in the first few weeks, you might find it hard to ever get round to it once term starts properly and you remember what 'busy' actually feels like.

Keep a diary. Not for writing down your every thought (although please feel free), but for keeping a track of everything that is going on each week. Work out what you have to do for your course and allocate each task to a certain day, as well as filling in your training sessions. If you've got an essay to write, plan it in for a lighter training day so that you don't suddenly remember about it the day you've got two sessions and an hour in the gym, which just so happens to be the day before it's due.

Be flexible. Whilst you can have the best intentions (see above), sometimes things just crop up. These might be extra training sessions, extra reading for a seminar the next day, or spontaneous nights out/ naps. Having a plan is great, but if you feel like your life is being dictated by it then that's not really ideal and will probably just cause more stress. As cliché as it sounds, you kind of just have to go with the flow when this happens; do what you can but don't freak out if you don't manage to do absolutely everything you had planned.

Prioritise your work. I don't mean prioritise your work over your training, I mean prioritise the most important parts of your course. Now this really depends on the type of person you are; if you're like me and feel like you're going to fail if you don't read every single item on the 'suggested reading list' before a seminar, then listen up. Just chill out a bit- as long as you've got a reasonable grasp of a topic before a class then you'll be fine, no one is expecting you to have read everything under the sun on Descartes before a seminar. And if anyone has, then good for them, but they probably didn't do 90 minutes on the erg followed by a water session the day before.
Look after yourself. Sometimes it seems ridiculous that on top of all this rushing around you still have to find time to feed yourself/ tidy your room/ wash your clothes/ change your sheets/ go food shopping etc. As gross as it is, I often realise that my sheets have turned yellow and my carpet has collected what seems to be an entire head of hair. It's at these times that I remind myself that while I want to study hard and be at the gym 24/7, I can't live in a pig's sty (I apologise to all the pigs out there, I think my room is probably worse). So, try and set aside some time each week to sort out the rest of your life- put some washing on and give your floor a quick hoover, it shouldn't take very long if you give yourself some time to do it.
Eat well. It goes without saying that if you're training most days then you've got to eat well. So this means making sure you're eating fruit and veg (I find keeping some frozen veg in the freezer works best), as well as carbs (lots and lots of carbs) and protein etc. While you could pretty much eat whatever you want because of how many calories you're burning, if your diet is really unhealthy all the time then it's not going to do you any good and you won't have much energy for getting your work done. Personally, I do a weekly online shop, which means I can plan my meals easily beforehand and don't have to spend time doing a big shop in a supermarket. I also have a cheap and cheerful smoothie maker which is great for whizzing up some fruit before a training session.
Sleep well. Whilst realistically you will probably be running on not very much sleep most of the time, don't over do it. With a sport like rowing especially, where you have early morning sessions, make sure you at least think about getting a bit of an early night a few times a week. Alternatively, make napping your new best friend.
Treat yourself. Even if you feel like you have a million and one things to do, it's important to take some time out every now and then. Maybe this is just to watch Netflix for a bit, eat chicken nuggets in bed (which I have definitely never done...), or hang out with a friend. Basically just make sure you're not spending every waking hour either working or working out.
Be okay with not being a 'typical student'. Not that that's really a thing anyway. But people (mostly older people, I find) seem to assume that all students lie around in bed all day and generally don't do a lot. And of course, you will probably have friends who do this to varying extents, and sometimes you'll be smug, sometimes you'll be infuriated, and sometimes you'll be insanely jealous. There you are making your third meal of the day before you rush off to some lecture or other, and someone shuffles into the kitchen, blinking in the daylight and asks whether you've got 'a busy day'. Before you respond with some sort of insult, remember that you love your way of life (most of the time), and they probably love theirs too.
Be okay with sometimes missing out. If you enjoy a night out, then I'm sure you'll manage to fit some into your busy schedule, but there will sometimes be sacrifices you have to make. Maybe you've been away all weekend at a competition so need to catch up on work, or perhaps you're on drinking ban during the last two weeks of term (hardest weeks of my life...), but just try and tell yourself that it will be worth it when you get a PB or win a race/match. Your friends (if they're anything like mine) will probably get sick of the response 'Sorry I can't, I've got rowing', but if they're good friends (like mine) then they'll respect what you do.
Remember you're not superhuman. Sometimes it's impossible to do everything. Most coaches don't want you to jeopardise your degree for the sport, so if you're really struggling to keep up with the work, and you're genuinely trying, then missing a few sessions isn't going to do much harm. As long as you talk to someone and don't just not show up, then no one is going to think any less of you for taking some time off.

I hope some of these have been helpful and that you are able to work hard and play sport hard this year.

If you need some more advice or have any tips of your own, please feel free to leave a comment below!

book

To read or not to read- Emma

16:10

Happy Sunday! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. But, as I said in my last post, I don't want this to feel like a chore, so I'm back now because I felt like it!

You may remember the 'BBC Top 100 Books Challenge' I've been doing in preparation for my English Lit degree (which I have now officially applied for, woo!) Well, I've decided that I don't want to restrict what I read to just one list, so I'm pushing the boat out and am just going to read whatever I fancy! I thought it was a bit silly to confine myself, seeing as there are so many books I've always wanted to read. I'm still going to be documenting my really brief thoughts on each book, but it's not going to be under the 'BBC Top 100 Books List' title anymore (see new and exciting graphic above!).

So I've just finished Jane Austen's Emma, which was a really fun read. I'm still not really sure whether or not I liked Emma as a character, something that was evidently foreseen by Austen when she wrote to a friend saying that Emma is "a heroine whom no one but myself will much like". But the truth is, I couldn't really help but like her. While she's a fairly spoilt and self-righteous young woman, she's also just a 21 year-old girl who makes mistakes, falls in love and meddles in other people's business. As well as this, Austen cleverly uses free indirect speech, which means that the narrative is told from Emma's perspective in the third person, while Austen still hold the reigns as the narrator. This is incredibly effective, as we can sympathise and identify with Emma, at the same time as benefiting from Austen's hilarious wit and way with words.

All in all, Emma is one of those classics you just have to read. If you've read Pride and Prejudice, then you'll fine that this is really similar, only funnier, and that Emma is a little more complex and developed than Elizabeth Bennet. (Not to put a downer on P&P though- yet another of Austen's masterpieces!).

I've got a stack of books to choose from next, so not sure what it will be yet. Any suggestions from English Lit students would be very much appreciated!

Harriet x

banana moon

Banana Moon's Study of the Student Species

09:33

The other day I was sent an email from a lovely lady called Jessica, who told me about Banana Moon's recent blog post about different student stereotypes. The idea is that their 'study' is just a bit of fun for new freshers to find out (if they've been living under a rock and don't know already) the types of students they're bound to meet when they arrive at university. While I'm not a massive fan of labeling people, I can't really deny that students at school and at uni do tend to fall into certain categories.

I would say that while I was at school, I was probably most like the Super Perfectionist (with hints of Teacher's Pet).

The description of the Super Perfectionist given on the blog is as follows:

"The neatest of all the student tribes, this well-kept creature is likely to be spotted lurking behind once all his peers have left the learning cave, placing papers into files and specially allocated plastic wallets. During feeding times, the Perfectionist may be spotted moving items of food around his or her plate into a particular formation – a far cry from the more unsophisticated members of the University social structure".

I'm afraid to say that I was often the last one out of the classroom thanks to frantic filing, colour-coding, or note-scribbling. I was the one who got stressed if the teacher moved the powerpoint on before I'd finished copying the slide down word for word. Being asked to take notes from a double-page spread in the textbook was one of my worst nightmares, as I felt the need to have every single piece of information written down, regardless of its relevance. You can never be sure, this obscure Swedish case study may seem pointless now, but it could come up in the exam.

I was also one of those really annoying people who cried actual tears if they got a B. Not cool.

So there we have it, I'm a self-confessed Super Perfectionist.

And as for the hints of Teacher's Pet... lot's of hand-raising, no detentions and never not doing the homework. Yes, I'm one of those.

I want to make something really clear though: I think it's so important that we don't base our identities on these stereotypes. When we label ourselves and other people, it can make us feel restricted and it can also give us something to hide behind.

While it's a bit of fun trying to work out which 'student species' you're most like, you don't want to finish your education and realise that you don't actually know who you are, as you've been trying to live up to a certain stereotype. If you'd like to hear more of my thoughts on identity and labeling at school, take a look at this blog post.

Banana Moon are also running a competition for bloggers, giving them the chance to win a tablet and a Banana Moon T-shirt! All you have to do to get involved is write a post about which student category best suits you. This competition is open to all bloggers. For more information, visit this page.

Harriet x

culture

My Day of Great Adventure

11:48

A train journey from St Albans to Kingston. No big deal, nothing out of the ordinary, right? Probably not, for the average eighteen year-old; but for me, this was a big day. This would be the first time I went into London on my own and the first time I planned a journey for myself. A few months ago, when I was struggling to see how I'd make it through the day, I never would have imagined that I'd spend a Saturday morning giving customers a gait analysis in a running shop, followed by an afternoon and evening in London at a university art exhibition.

When my cousin's girlfriend suggested that I go to her end of degree exhibition, I agreed enthusiastically, but knew that in reality, it probably wouldn't happen. I didn't know where it was going to be held, but it seemed pretty unlikely that I'd manage to get myself there. Anyway, I'd almost definitely feel awkward and out of place. Assuming she'd just asked out of politeness, I forgot about it, until she got in touch nearer the time with a date and a plan. It was at Kingston University at the end of May and lots of her family were going too. Despite the voice that was screaming, "Tell her you can't! You won't make it there by yourself! You can barely even function on your own!", I said yes. I must have been feeling particularly brave that day. Once I'd officially committed myself, I started to really look forward to it, as I was excited not only about seeing her and my cousin, but also about seeing her work.

The evening before the exhibition, I researched my train journey and wrote down all the connections and changes on a post-it note. This in itself was new to me, as I'd always relied on other people to organise any travel arrangements. Even in doing this simple thing for myself, I felt more confident about it all and wondered why I hadn't done this before- there was no complicated formula to it that everyone but me understood. It was so easy and I realised that the only reason I hadn't done it before was lack of self-belief, rather than lack of ability.

Arriving at St Albans train station on Saturday, I felt very grown up. I was clutching my new purse as I walked in and looked up at the information board. In the past, I would have taken a step back at this point, allowing whoever I was with to check the train times and buy the tickets. About six months ago, I would have been too scared to queue up at the ticket office and ask for a return to Kingston, but now this felt completely normal. I got myself to the right platform and waited for the train. I realised that, although this felt like an adventure to me, to the majority of other people around me, this was just a mundane part of their daily routine. When I got on the train, I started reading a book that I'd brought with me. Before, I would probably have felt too self-conscious and embarrassed to do this, but this time I decided that nobody else is interested or bothered in the slightest in what I choose to do on the train; it's only me who thinks everyone else is laughing at me! Anyway, reading on the train is hardly out of the ordinary!

About 10 minutes before we actually arrived at King's Cross St Pancras, I put my book away and got my ticket out, so that I was all ready. (Hopefully in the future I'll learn to be a bit more relaxed and will get it into my head that the train is going to stay at the platform long enough for me to get out!) Thankfully, I'd been to St Pancras many times, so was quite confident that I knew my way to the underground, but I still followed the signs religiously, just to be certain! My parents had been sure to remind me to go Southbound on the Victoria line, something which they probably had reason to worry about, as in the past I would have just followed someone else and not noticed the different directions. I took the underground to Vauxhall, where I would then take the overground to Kingston. When I arrived at Vauxhall, I looked at my yellow post-it and saw that the connection I'd planned on getting wasn't leaving for another half an hour. Last year, I would have just accepted this and waited, but this time I checked the information board and saw that an earlier train on platform 8 to Strawberry Hill was also stopping at Kingston. While I was waiting for this train, I listened over and over again to the announcements, just making sure that I had definitely got it right! Once I'd heard the recorded voice say 'Kingston' for the third time, I was pretty sure it was going to be okay...!

When I arrived at Kingston, I decided that I fancied a cup of tea, so went to the little stall on the platform. For some unknown reason, I used to think that café owners would see me as a nuisance and a bother if I went up and ordered something. (Obviously, this is completely irrational, because most would be begging for customers!) But this time, I even had a little chat with the guy who made me my tea and found out that he'd been to his friend's art exhibition the weekend before! I left with a smile on my face, realising that having a short conversation with me was far from an irritation to him; in fact, it probably made his day just that tiny bit more interesting.

Now that I'd finally made it there, I was looking forward to getting to the exhibition and meeting some new people, which is something that would previously have filled me with dread. I was still a bit anxious about fitting in and knowing what to say, but I needn't have worried as everyone was lovely and made me feel so welcome. The exhibition itself was for the final-year university art students to showcase their work, so there was a lot going on. I hadn't really seen any of my cousin's girlfriend's work before, so it was amazing to see it displayed so professionally. Maybe I'm slightly biased, but hers was definitely among the best there! This was actually confirmed by people who know what they're talking about, as she was approached by several galleries wanting to exhibit her work. As for my worries about fitting in, the art students were probably the best role-models imaginable for individuality and acceptance; I had never seen so many quirky outfits and wacky hairstyles under one roof before! The atmosphere was so relaxed and chilled, so I felt as though I had every right to be there, celebrating with a friend, just as everyone else was. We all went out for a meal afterwards, which was so much fun and I felt confident enough to chat to different people.

All these new experiences obviously took it out of me, as I almost fell asleep on the train home!

You may be wondering why I've bothered to write a post about a journey that probably seems pretty insignificant to most of you. To be honest, I'm also wondering this myself! I guess I just wanted to show that progress and achievement is all personal. If you do something that you wouldn't/couldn't have done before, you deserve to feel pleased with yourself. Also, I think that reflecting on these small achievements (like I have done by writing this piece) is important, because otherwise they are easily forgotten and overshadowed by failures (such as getting a rejection letter after a job interview). So if you were hoping to take something away from reading this, then maybe you can just think about how you might reflect on the little steps you take, which may help you to feel more motivated in your daily life.

Harriet x

daily routine

What I missed out on whilst too busy 'fulfilling my potential'

00:33

Now that I’ve been home from my five week stint at university for six months, I’ve started to realise how much of daily life I missed out on whilst trying to be that ‘perfect girl’:

Simple pleasures:

With my tightly packed schedule of studying and athletics training, I barely had time to breathe, let alone do anything vaguely relaxing. I assumed that a lazy Sunday breakfast listening to the radio and reading the newspaper was a luxury enjoyed only by the fictional characters in films. “How do they have time to do that?” was probably one of my most FAQs. Although I was a little jealous, I always thought that I was the one doing it right; if I got my head down now, surely I could enjoy these simple pleasures later on, once I was successfully settled into my well-earned Good Life? Possibly, but why wait, when this might never happen? Of course, it’s important to find the balance between work and play, but if I’m honest, I think I’d rather have had one too many cups of tea in the garden over having every single piece of homework completed to perfection.

Every-day tasks:

I’ve now found myself actually enjoying some potentially boring things that I never had time to do, such as doing the weekly supermarket shop with my mum on a Saturday morning, having the evening meal ready for my family when they get in and even emptying the dishwasher every morning after breakfast! So I guess in some ways, my previous lack of normal, everyday activities has worked in my favour, as I’ll never complain about having to do them again! (I’ll probably regret saying that in a couple of months…)

Life skills:

But as well as the simple pleasures and these rather unremarkable tasks, I also never really had the chance to learn how to be independent, which is something I touched upon in my first blog post. My dad sorted out my bank account, my phone contract and my cross-country fixtures, whilst my mum made my appointments and even booked me into the hairdressers. Let me just make this very clear; I do not blame my parents for anything AT ALL. They were simply doing their best to make my life easier and to give me a bit of free time to myself. I would probably have done exactly the same thing for my child. It’s only when I look back now and realise that I went off to university at the age of 18 with the life skills of a 10 year-old, that I see there may have been a problem. (I’m not even exaggerating- today when I was working on the till in Oxfam, a little girl came up and boldly asked whether we had any toy cats out the back. I was so surprised, until I remembered that it was only me who could barely even manage to order my own food in a restaurant until a couple of months ago!)

So, why am I telling you all this? Well, I think everyone needs to be aware of the importance of the above things. It’s so easy to take them for granted, or to push them aside as pointless, especially when you’re so focussed on achieving and succeeding. But I really do believe that anyone who lacks experience in (or exposure to) any of them, isn’t prepared for ‘life after school’. Of course, there are plenty of other, more major things that prepare someone for university or the world of work, but these (especially the first two) aren’t so obvious. Therefore, maybe just try and keep them in mind and make sure you’re allowing yourself time to develop in all areas of your life, not just those directly linked to academic success.

Harriet x

article

In the News: 'Less stressful?' Maybe. 'More productive?' I don't think so.

19:59

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-surrey-27357031

According to the above article, sixth-form lessons at a private school in Surrey are now to start at 13.30, instead of 9.00. Apparently, this is to allow the students to have a lie-in. Despite being a sixth-former myself last year, I can't help but laugh at the fact that this is actually serious. You may beg to differ, but is it really that unreasonable to ask a young adult to be awake at 9am on a week day? Fine, stay in bed all day at the weekend, but surely the discipline of being up and presentable along with the rest of the working world is all part of getting an education?

Here are some flaws that sprung to mind at a first glance:

By sleeping all morning, students will have wasted half the day. While some may make up for this lost time by studying later at night, many will spend their evenings relaxing. I have no idea how they are expected to get all their work done if they're spending half the day in bed. Are they meant to study through the night? If so, they'll probably put their body-clock so out of sync that they'll be no more alert at 13.30 than they previously were at 9.00.
In the same way, getting up later will probably mean going to bed later, which seems to undo any positive effect of this idea. Even taking the "delayed-phase clock" into account, if the students are sleeping for the same number of hours as before, then they are unlikely to be much 'more productive' when they do make it into lessons.
Not everyone fits the 'lazy student' stereotype. What about those who are naturally early risers? Are they expected to lounge around all morning, or start their studying at 9 or 10am and carry on through until 19.00? This seems very unfair and will just cause these students to become exhausted.
How will students continue with a jobs or any extra-curricular activities that they do? It seems unlikely that many clubs/music groups/societies/sports practices will take place before midday or after about eight in the evening. As well as taking away the personal and social benefits of these things, this will also give students less to put on their personal statement or CV, meaning that they are less likely to get into university or get a job.
The 'working day' begins at 9, or earlier. Upon leaving school, these students will undoubtedly have some difficultly adjusting to a 9-5 job or a 9am lecture.
The fact that many students "did not sleep sufficiently during the week" can probably be partially blamed on staying up late watching TV and checking Facebook etc, rather than the "delayed" biological clock. Going into school later won't change this.

I've probably come across as an 18 year-old going on 50, but I can't believe that no one else under the age of 20 would agree with me!?

I really hope that this "pioneering" move won't catch on in too many other schools, otherwise 1.30-7 may well become the new 9-5.

Harriet x

advice

10 Simple Ways to Feel Happier In Your Daily Life

20:38

Is the monotony of your daily routine wearing you down? Try these very simple ideas for a couple of weeks and see what happens...

Set your favourite radio station as your alarm. I would personally recommend Radio 1 for an enthusiastic and motivational start to your day, or Classic FM for a more leisurely awakening. To be honest, anything is better than incessant beeping.
Introduce something to your breakfast routine. Instead of staring blankly out of the window with your bowl of cornflakes, why not read the newspaper, the chapter of a book, or write a ‘to do’ list for the day? You may find that this takes your mind off anything you’re not really looking forward to doing in the day ahead.
Try to make sure you always have something to look forward to and pin it somewhere obvious, like your mirror. Even if it’s simply watching a film or going out for a drink with a friend, it might help you stay motivated through the more mundane tasks.
Listen to music or the radio when you’re doing things you find boring, such as washing-up or cleaning. I find that this takes my mind off things and makes it a lot more enjoyable!
Think of something you could do on a regular basis to treat yourself. It could be as simple as buying a coffee on the way home from work every Tuesday, having a takeaway every Friday night, or having a relaxing bubble bath each weekend. Or, if you do these things anyway, choose something different, like making a monthly trip to the cinema/theatre. Maybe if there’s a day in the week you find particularly stressful, treat yourself at the end of it.
Try to be more aware of ‘simple pleasures’. It might sound silly, but once you start appreciating little things like the smell of cut grass, the comfort of a cup of tea, or the colour of the sky, your mind-set could become more positive.
Do small but caring things for other people, such as making them a cup of tea, or even just sending them a nice text out of the blue. Not only will this make a difference to their day, it will probably make you feel good too.
Be observant of what’s going on around you. Say you’re on your way to work, or doing the shopping, try to notice the people who pass and the conversations they are having. Something someone says might make you smile, or you might pick up on things you would usually ignore.
Give yourself an achievable goal for each week and pin it up somewhere visible. This might seem unrealistic, but having even the smallest of goals might stop weeks rushing by, unnoticed and unaccounted for. It could also help give you a small sense of achievement, even when other parts of your life are difficult.
If possible, make the place where you spend a lot of your time (the office/ car/ kitchen/ desk/ workshop) reflect you in some way. Just personalising it with a colourful coaster or an ornament might make you feel more in control of your work-space and remind you to stay productive.

I really hope you try at least one of the above- you've honestly got nothing to lose! And please do leave a comment telling me which (if any!) you have found helpful.

Harriet x

A levels

Can the effect of today’s education system on young people be likened to the identity loss of the individual in dystopian literature?

15:41

This may seem like a bold statement, not least a controversial one, but let me explain.

The whole point of dystopian literature is of course to highlight potential flaws in society and allow the reader to reflect on the world. However, it is unlikely that either 1984 by George Orwell or The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood were written with the view to being compared to the education system in the 21st Century.

The title I created for my A2 English Literature coursework claimed that ‘The purpose of dystopian literature is to dehumanise the individual’. I then went on to discuss this view in relation to the two novels mentioned above. In the introduction, I began by distinguishing three factors that, in my opinion, define a human being (simplified of course for the purpose of the essay), which were individual identity, freedom and dignity. Whilst I’m not going to sit here and argue that the experience of students in the UK today is undignified and compromises freedom, I can’t help but notice some similarities when it comes to the loss of individual identity.

On many levels, students today are encouraged to ‘be themselves’ and create a personal identity through pursuing their interests and goals. But does this really match up with the huge emphasis placed on exams, grades and success? As I explained in my previous post, I feel as though the pressure of school, sixth-form in particular, caused me to lose myself, or perhaps never even find myself. In other words, in some ways, school seemed to stunt my personal growth. Many of you reading this will probably completely disagree, as I’m sure most people experience the opposite. It is undeniable that school is full of opportunities and experiences, which have the potential to inspire and motivate young people. However, I do believe that it doesn’t always work like this.

In my essay, I explored the significance of the names of both Winston Smith (1984) and Offred (The Handmaid’s Tale). The character’s lack of individuality is reflected in the commonplace ‘Smith’ and the possessive ‘Of Fred’. My name is of course Harriet, although during my time at school, I couldn’t help but feel that I was defined by what I did, rather than who I was. For example, while the head teacher may not have always remembered my name (perfectly understandable), I was ‘The Runner’. In the same way, to many of my peers I was ‘The Clever One’, or ‘The One Who Always Has A Spare Pencil’. I was known as the girl who always seemed to be going up for awards in assembly. But of course I wasn’t the only one; girls (and boys) like me are everywhere, in every school all over the country. I speak only for myself, however, when I say that I was hiding behind these labels, as empty and ‘vessel-like’ as Offred. I had no time for personal growth and development when every moment was taken up with trying to succeed, both academically and physically. “Surely you’re expecting too much; your identity lies in your studies and interest in sport?” I hear you ask. The truth is, I wasn’t particularly interested in my studies, because everything I learnt seemed to be for the sole purpose of passing an exam, rather than for the enjoyment of it. On the rare occasion that something did grab my interest, we had rushed onto the next topic before any real flame had been ignited. And as for doing research in my own time on these subjects? No way was I going to spend the precious few moments of ‘my own time’ looking into something that wouldn’t be in the exam! Of course, much of the ‘A’ Level content is interesting, yet is compromised by the fact that we seem to be learning for the sake of learning. In the days before each of my exams, my one wish was to ‘get all this information out of my head!’ Walking out of the exam hall, I felt complete relief at being able to just let go of all the facts and figures I’d been so desperately clinging on to for the past few months. Is this really what education should be about? Sure, almost a year on, I can remember the vague overview of the A2 Psychology course. But if someone gave me the exact paper I sat, I’d wonder how on earth I even began answering the questions.

If it seems as though I’ve gone off on a tangent, let me bring you back to the point. I gave everything I’d got to those exams, in order to keep myself covered by the label that said I was ‘The Clever One’. What would be left of me if I didn’t get those A*’s? I had nothing to fall back on. This was made even worse when I gave up running around exam time because the pressure of training and revision had got too much. Then, when the exams were all finished and I had my A’s and A*’s, I emerged, bleary-eyed, feeling as though I’d spent the last year or two in a dark cave. I realised with horror, that without the safety of my label-identities, I had absolutely no idea who I was. And here I return to the title of this piece; my identity was lost (or perhaps never allowed to form) because I was driven by the need to succeed at the things I was known for: academia and athletics. I believe that this drive was partially fuelled by the competitive nature of today’s society and the emphasis placed on exam success by the education system.

Unsurprisingly, I can’t offer any ground-breaking solutions. What I can say, is that if I were to do my time at school again, I would be more aware of life after sixth-form and exams. I would invest time in doing activities that might be irrelevant in the classroom, but would leave me with more than just the letter ‘A’ at the end of it. If I could go back, I wouldn’t look down my nose at my friends who seemed to spend more time ‘having fun’ than revising. I don’t know what the perfect balance is between the two, but I do know that those friends are now coming to the end of their first year at uni and I’m sitting at home trying to pick up the pieces.

Harriet x

exams

Stop the conveyor belt! Or better still, get off the conveyor belt.Actually, just turn around and run in the opposite direction.

23:27

There’s always going to be the odd glitch in the system. But why does it have to be ‘odd’? And why does it have to be a ‘glitch’?

A Good School + Hard Work = Good Grades = University = A Good Job + A Good Life. It’s a simple equation, right? Wrong.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pinpoint the moment I stepped onto this conveyer belt towards ‘A Good Life’, but I can probably hazard a guess at the exact moment I threw myself off. Leaving Durham University after five weeks, I thought my life was over. How could a ‘bright’, ‘conscientious’, ‘hard-working’ student who finished sixth form with two A’s and two A*’s drop out of uni? Surely university was made for people like me!

Looking back on it now, eight months later, I have no idea why anyone thought I was ready. Sure, I had good grades and enough extra-curricular activities under my belt to share around and then some, but I could barely make my own dentist appointment, or even order food in a restaurant. At the age of eighteen, I had never had a job interview, let alone a job. This wasn’t through laziness though; I was so focussed on getting the perfect grade, or the fastest time around the athletics track, that I thought the life experiences could wait. I told myself that university would be the making of me; who cares if I can’t order a Chinese takeaway now? As long as I get that A*, everything will work out.

Of course, for many people it does work out that way; they ‘find themselves’ at uni and emerge as beautiful butterflies, ready to take on the world. But not everyone. In the few weeks before I was due to leave home, I think a part of me realised that, somewhere along the line, I had been boxed up and shoved on to this conveyer belt, heading towards a life that wasn’t for me. But what could I do? I couldn’t understand these feelings, let alone express them to anyone. So I turned in on myself and just got on with it. The result? Me + University= Five Blurry Weeks of Hell.

For young people today, it seems as though something is only worth doing if it is going to lead you to that next step. You choose the GCSE’s that will allow you to choose the ‘A’ Levels that will allow you to go to university. Now, of course this is a huge generalisation, as many schools and career’s advisers are keen to stress that university isn’t for everyone; that there are apprenticeships and various other pathways to take. But in my experience, if you’re a straight A student, university will be for you, and anything else will be aiming below your potential. This is all very well, as long as you know what you want to do with your life. I have always envied those people who are determined to do anything it takes to become a doctor/ teacher/ lawyer/ whatever. For these lucky individuals, their pathway is somewhat clearer and perhaps that equation ending in A Good Life and A Good Job may just about work out. But what about those of us who find ourselves stuck behind a pile of prospectuses, trying to write the first draft of a personal statement about our ‘passion’ and ‘enthusiasm’ for a subject we only picked because it’s A Good Degree? “Just find something you’re interested in!” is a phrase often tossed in the direction of students like me, who don’t know what career they want. Every time I heard this, I wanted to scream “But I don’t know what I’m interested in! I’m not interested in anything!” Of course not; I hadn’t had a single second free to discover the thing (or things) that truly get me excited. Every moment of every day had been squeezed and twisted into something productive, that would apparently lead to a glorious end point, making all this determination and hard work ‘worth it’.

Having been home for six months, I look back on the girl hiding alone in her dark and dingy room at university and wonder who on earth she was. I’m not saying that everything is perfect now, because it’s really not, but I’m gradually getting to know the real me, as I’ve finally got some time to investigate and try out different things (and actually get a job!). Who knows, I may well end up studying for a degree, but this time it will be in a subject I am actually interested in, rather than something that just looks impressive.

So, what is the point of this post? It’s really to say that if you can identify with anything you’ve just read, don’t be afraid to just stop, take a step back and re-evaluate things. As several people have pointed out to me, leaving was actually the brave thing to do. In many ways, it would have been easier to stumble along for four years, getting on with being the face of the ‘perfect student’, whilst silently screaming from behind the mountains of books. But why should I have to do that? I shouldn’t. And neither should you.

Harriet x

Found on Instagram: Absolutely Bear

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Stop the conveyor belt! Or better still, get off the conveyor belt.Actually, just turn around and run in the opposite direction.

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