Stop the conveyor belt! Or better still, get off the conveyor belt.Actually, just turn around and run in the opposite direction.
23:27
There’s always going
to be the odd glitch in the system. But
why does it have to be ‘odd’? And why
does it have to be a ‘glitch’?
A Good School + Hard Work = Good Grades = University = A
Good Job + A Good Life. It’s a simple
equation, right? Wrong.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pinpoint the moment I
stepped onto this conveyer belt towards ‘A Good Life’, but I can probably
hazard a guess at the exact moment I threw myself off. Leaving Durham University after five weeks, I
thought my life was over. How could a
‘bright’, ‘conscientious’, ‘hard-working’ student who finished sixth form with
two A’s and two A*’s drop out of uni?
Surely university was made for people like me!
Looking back on it now, eight months later, I have no idea
why anyone thought I was ready. Sure, I
had good grades and enough extra-curricular activities under my belt to share
around and then some, but I could barely make my own dentist appointment, or
even order food in a restaurant. At the
age of eighteen, I had never had a job interview, let alone a job. This wasn’t through laziness though; I was so
focussed on getting the perfect grade, or the fastest time around the athletics
track, that I thought the life experiences could wait. I told myself that university would be the
making of me; who cares if I can’t order a Chinese takeaway now? As long as I
get that A*, everything will work out.
Of course, for many people it does work out that way; they
‘find themselves’ at uni and emerge as beautiful butterflies, ready to take on
the world. But not everyone. In the few weeks before I was due to leave
home, I think a part of me realised that, somewhere along the line, I had been
boxed up and shoved on to this conveyer belt, heading towards a life that
wasn’t for me. But what could I do? I couldn’t understand these feelings, let
alone express them to anyone. So I
turned in on myself and just got on with it.
The result? Me + University= Five Blurry Weeks of Hell.
For young people today, it seems as though something is only
worth doing if it is going to lead you to that next step. You choose the GCSE’s that will allow you to
choose the ‘A’ Levels that will allow you to go to university. Now, of course this is a huge generalisation,
as many schools and career’s advisers are keen to stress that university isn’t
for everyone; that there are apprenticeships and various other pathways to
take. But in my experience, if you’re a
straight A student, university will be
for you, and anything else will be aiming below your potential. This is all very well, as long as you know
what you want to do with your life. I
have always envied those people who are determined to do anything it takes to
become a doctor/ teacher/ lawyer/ whatever.
For these lucky individuals, their pathway is somewhat clearer and
perhaps that equation ending in A Good Life and A Good Job may just about work
out. But what about those of us who find
ourselves stuck behind a pile of prospectuses, trying to write the first draft
of a personal statement about our ‘passion’ and ‘enthusiasm’ for a subject we only
picked because it’s A Good Degree? “Just
find something you’re interested in!” is a phrase often tossed in the direction
of students like me, who don’t know what career they want. Every time I heard this, I wanted to scream
“But I don’t know what I’m interested in! I’m not interested in anything!” Of course not; I hadn’t had a single second
free to discover the thing (or things) that truly get me excited. Every moment of every day had been squeezed
and twisted into something productive, that would apparently lead to a glorious
end point, making all this determination and hard work ‘worth it’.
Having been home for six months, I look back on the girl
hiding alone in her dark and dingy room at university and wonder who on earth
she was. I’m not saying that everything
is perfect now, because it’s really not, but I’m gradually getting to know the
real me, as I’ve finally got some time to investigate and try out different
things (and actually get a job!). Who
knows, I may well end up studying for a degree, but this time it will be in a
subject I am actually interested in,
rather than something that just looks impressive.
Harriet x
8 comments
Love your writing, it is open, honest and exactly how I have felt in points in my life. I have bookmarked your blog and I look forward to reading more. I am not as good with my words as you, so I will keep it short.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with whatever you are doing, you make a difference.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you could relate (although obviously not glad that you have felt that way!). Thanks, I really appreciate your comment and kind words.
DeleteSuch a great post! Can really relate to this and think it's a topic that schools should talk about to their students more. Well done :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes, it would be an interesting thing to discuss at school as part of careers guidance!
DeleteWow! I cannot tell you how wonderful I felt reading this..! Being a student who has always got good grades, I've always hated the whole convention of 'A Good School + Hard Work = Good Grades = University = A Good Job + A Good Life.' I really look up to the decision you made, It's like.. you're proving that working out who you are, and what makes happy, really is the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, enough waffling! Basically I just wanted to say that I look forward to reading more from your blog!
Thanks so much for your comment, I can't believe how lovely people are being! I really didn't expect such a good reaction. Yes, that's exactly what I have finally realised- that (as cliché as this sounds) getting to know the real 'you' is one of the most important things you'll ever do! Thanks again:)
DeleteHi! I just stumbled upon your blog and after reading this post, I must agree with you. Society often pressure us into doing something we don't want/not interested in. I, myself am pursuing law in Cardiff University but I don't foresee myself doing it forever, I want to explore and try out other things as well. Nevertheless, all the best in the future and I hope you'll find something that you'll love doing, if not now - then soon. :) x
ReplyDeleteSofea
www.thesofeablog.blogspot.com
Hi Sofea! Thanks for your comment:) Good luck with the law degree, and even if you don't use it in the future you may discover something else you wish to pursue whilst at uni as there are so many opportunities out there for you:) Thank you, I'm just about to start an English degree at York, so things are looking up! x
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